10 Ways to Support a Partner During Recovery; The First Year

The first year of addiction recovery is often quite challenging. Temptations are everywhere, drugs and/or alcohol are readily available, and many choosing a life of sobriety need to find new friends, hobbies, and hangouts in order to be successful. In the early stages of recovery, these individuals struggle with a plethora of issues, such as intense stress, anxiety, depression, boredom, and loneliness, just to name a few, but they also struggle with their romantic relationships. Unless someone is in a relationship where the partner is supportive and understanding of the struggles and challenges that exist with becoming and maintaining sobriety, there is a high probability that not only will the person struggle with addiction relapse, but also that the relationship will fail and be even more detrimental to the individual’s sobriety and overall mental health. The following recommendations are ten ways a person can support their partner through the detox and rehab process, along with encouraging a successful and meaningful recovery. 

Remain Alcohol and Drug Free 

It is important to remember that your partner is doing their best to remain sober. Freely and openly drinking and/or doing drugs in front of them can trigger not only their desire to partake, but also trigger any trauma their substance use is stemming from. There is nothing wrong with having a drink if you are not the one in recovery, but it is important to respect the boundaries and wishes of your partner. Drink when you are not in front of your partner and be respectful by either brushing your teeth, changing your clothes, and/or getting a shower before you see them again. Additionally, reckless drinking and then engaging them in a conversation or other interaction is not advised. 

Do Not Enable Substance Use 

Your partner is committed to their sobriety, so it is imperative that you are also committed to their sobriety. Encouraging them to have “just one drink” or “just a sip” is a dangerous path that can jeopardize your partner’s sobriety. It is also important not to “look the other way” if you know your partner is engaging in alcohol and/or drug use while trying to stay committed to their sobriety. Develop a safe and compassionate, yet firm accountability system with your partner. 

Learn About Addiction and Recovery 

The road to recovery is never easy and is often long and winding. This will be a difficult period of time for your partner, so it would be helpful to learn as much as you can about addiction and what you can anticipate during the process. Read as much literature as you can about the topic, ask your partner questions about their experiences and how you can best support them, and perhaps even engage in couples counseling with your partner to let them know you are there to support and love them through this process. Recovery is their journey, but you can be there to support and encourage them along the way. 

Lend a Non-Judgmental Ear 

Individuals in recovery need someone to talk to. Of course they have their sponsors, other friends in recovery, therapists and certified behavioral technicians who have helped them through detox and rehab, but sometimes a partner needs to hear a kind word from their partner. Encourage them to trust the process and trust those who have expertise in the field, while always letting them know that you will be there to support them and talk to them about the demons that may inhabit their minds. 

Forgive Them 

When individuals struggle with alcohol and/or drug abuse, they often make mistakes and say things to others that are meant to cut deep in the moment, but not for a lifetime. Oftentimes, these individuals have to live with the guilt of knowing they have hurt their partners, and this guilt can cause sobriety maintenance to become unstable. While it is completely valid to express pain and hurt you have experienced from someone in recovery, it is important to allow yourself to forgive them in an effort to attempt to move forward with the relationship. Forgiveness allows liberation within a relationship and allows new beginnings to occur. 

Find Substance Free Activities 

When drinking or using drugs has been someone’s “go to” activity to have fun for several years, finding another hobby or activity can be a daunting task. What if boredom kicks in and the desire to drink and/or use drugs becomes too overwhelming? Does relapse loom? Given that your partner may not know other activities they can engage in to “have fun”, assisting them in finding their own hobbies, as well as hobbies with you, that do not include any substance use can greatly impact chances of maintaining sobriety. Trying new hobbies and engaging in ones that are different and fun are a lovely way to encourage sobriety and bring the relationship closer together. 

Attend Meetings 

It is important to remember that those in recovery are not the only ones who can attend meetings to seek support and guidance in how to best navigate the relationship. Sometimes partners of those in recovery need assistance too, and there is no shame in asking for help when things feel overwhelming within the relationship. Groups such as Nar-Anon, Al-Anon, Adult Children of Alcoholics, Families Anonymous, and SMART Recovery are all great options when looking for groups to assist with the process. 

Reduce Stress 

It is a known fact that one of the leading causes of substance abuse is stress. Trauma, of course, is another leading cause of substance abuse. Reducing stress in day to day living arrangements and situations can assist the individual in recovery in maintaining their sobriety. However, it is important to mention that it is vital to not remove all stress from your partner’s life, but to help them manage it in healthy ways moving forward. Removing all stress can, perhaps, give the individual in recovery a false sense of sobriety, so it is important to encourage them to develop the tools necessary to navigate a world that could tempt them back into relapse. 

Be Honest 

Many people in life, whether they are struggling with some form of addiction or not, lack self awareness. Or if they have the self awareness, they lack the knowhow to effectively act on that awareness and have it translate into useful skills that can help them when feeling stuck or backed into a corner. When you notice this happening to your partner, it is important to have an honest and compassionate conversation about what you are noticing and how it is not only affecting the relationship, but becoming potentially self destructive. Your partner relies on you for your honesty and to have their best interest in mind during their recovery process – embrace it. 

Be a Positive Role Model 

Just because you are not in active recovery right now, does not mean you cannot be a positive role model for your partner. Does it mean you will understand all aspects of what they are going through or have gone through – absolutely not. But you can encourage them to develop and maintain a healthy lifestyle moving forward. A great way to do that is to practice what you preach – if you encourage your partner to exercise regularly, eat healthy meals, attend regular meetings and/or therapy sessions, or any other suggestions you may have, it is recommended that you also follow those same suggestions. It is key here not to invalidate your partner’s experiences or overemphasize your own strengths. Your partner will be in a vulnerable space during their recovery, so meet them where they are, and encourage them to create the best possible version of themselves. 

Written by Becky Cicalese, LMFT